Veggie Haggis Burrito

★★★★

¡Ay Caramba! Now here's something I didn't think would work. Fresh from our local taqueria Los Cardos comes a delicious and seriously filling veggie haggis burrito.

OK it might not look like the most appetising plateful of food but a burrito is meant to be scoffed, not admired for its aesthetics (although I'll make an exception for the burritos they serve in Trippy Taco, Melbourne because they truly are things of beauty). I also couldn't move after eating this. It's probably the kind of food your mum had in mind when she told you not to go swimming straight after lunch. With one of these in your belly you'd sink like a stone.

The haggis works incredibly well with the beans, cheese and rice – neither overpowering nor acting as a cheap filler. The combination of haggis and jalapeños is fantastic too. Why isn't anyone making chilli haggises? It's a winning combo.

Verdict:
More! More! More!

Mackie's Haggis & Black Pepper Crisps

★

See that? That's my after work on Friday beer. And nothing goes better with a fine bottle of ale than a nice packet of crisps, eh? Well, in this case nothing would have probably been better than Mackie's haggis and cracked black pepper crisps.

It's not that they're bad crisps; They're actually perfectly good crisps. The cracked black pepper, I like. I've got nothing against the cracked black pepper but to paraphrase Peter Cook, the problem is neither do these crisps.

There's some indefinable savoury taste to them but it's virtually impossible to tell what it is. A touch of Marmite? A whiff of beef? Who knows but it's certainly nowhere near a haggis. Maybe there was a haggis in the room when these crisps were made and they were hoping that the taste would magically transfer by some kind of haggisy osmosis. Maybe they're homeopathic haggis crisps whereby a single molecule of oatmeal can impart the memory of its taste on everything around it. Either way, it disnae work.

Ach well, it just goes to show that there's no point in messing with the holy trinity of Salt & Vinegar, Cheese & Onion and Ready Salted.

Verdict:
Avoid

Greggs Haggis Pie

★★★

In celebration of Rabbie Burns' birthday, Greggs (the UK's industrial purveyor of below par pastry goods) have teamed up with MacSweens (Scotland's industrial purveyor of haggis) to bring us their Haggis Pie!

This is your classic haggis, neeps and tatties served up in a scotch pie case made of pastry tough enough to break your teeth on. All of this and a can of juice for a mere two pounds! Oh Mr Gregg, you are spoiling us. It was served up lukewarm with a side order of hangover and a ringing in my ears from last night's punk gig; Just how I like it.

The amount of haggis was a let down, more of a smearing across the bottom of the pie than an actual portion. It had a passing acquaintance with the neeps as well but this pie was home to mash, mash and more mash. Ach well, it cured my hangover (or was that the Irn Bru?) and was gone in about four bites. Next time I'll have to remember the broon soss. And extra haggis.

Verdict:
Nae bad.